Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
