at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
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