i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
