I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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