So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
