At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
