totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
