i jhust puked up my retainher.
I could make wine with my vomit
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
