i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
