someone threw a dead crab at me
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
i need some magic done to my vagina
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
