So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
