how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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