STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
