Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
