I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
