AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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