I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
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