I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
