you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
