Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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