just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
This is the high leading the old right now
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
