with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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