so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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