the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
