hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
