Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
