11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
