she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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