he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
