I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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