Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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