Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
