so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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