I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
