Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
