Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
