A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
