hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
