I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
