At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I supernannyed him into submission
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
