Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
