We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
