Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
