Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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