That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
