it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
