apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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