I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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