I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
