i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
