He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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