I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
