Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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