So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
