He told me they were just razor bumps!
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
