ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
