4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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