You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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