I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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