My boss' voice literally gives me gas
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
