I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
