Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
