Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
false alarm. still invincible.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
