i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
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