it was like his penis was on wheels.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
