apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
