I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
