I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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