This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
