P.S. I can't hear my feet
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
