Girls should come with a carfax report
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
