just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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