I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
