you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
