Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
