i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
