mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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