no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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