Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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